i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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