I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
