wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
