bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
