You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I enjoy the company of your penis
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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