Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
