I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
