bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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