you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
