I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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