The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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