My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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