:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
