The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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