He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
