I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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