I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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