Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
