WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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