i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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