I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
