Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize