So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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