Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
