So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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