why do cheetos always look like penises
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
