Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
