Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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