Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
