Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
