Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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