If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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