I wanna bring you to show and tell
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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