Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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