What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
