There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
