im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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