i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
