Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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