that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
