There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
