Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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