They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My pussy is not your playground.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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