so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
kristin has been a bad kristin
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
