I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I cut my penus on the lid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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