I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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