I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
