I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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