I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
should my penis look like a turkey
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does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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