I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like a drive thru vagina
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
