i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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