the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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