i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
