i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
