U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
