Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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