I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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